In recent years, I’ve had no love for falafel. This may have been the result, in part, of the role falafel assumed in my becoming an outlier on the freshman year college weight gain bell curve. Instead of the “Freshman 15”, I created a new category of shame known as the “Freshman 45”. I was a freshman at NYU, and as any college student in New York will attest, the two cheapest and most obvious non-meal plan options are rubbery slices of pizza or falafel sandwiches. I also occasionally went for the two cheeseburgers combo meal at McDonald’s, supersized, of course, with a sundae for dessert. But that meal only ever followed 40 ounces of Old English “800”. And don’t even get me started on those nights when I was ill-advised enough to stumble over to Sixth Avenue for two slices of pizza, typically opting for at least one that had baked ziti on top, and then shuffling to the diner next door for a stale 2 a.m. donut chaser. But it was Mamoun’s Falafel that figured the most prominently in my freshman year weight gain. For some reason, one falafel sandwich with four falafel slathered in tahini was never sufficient. I always ordered two falafel sandwiches, which may have been marginally healthier, but were nevertheless the middle eastern approximation of the 2 cheeseburgers meal at McDonald’s. And Mamoun’s was open until 5 a.m. every night which was perfect when studying late into the evening. As a result, I ate myself sick with falafel more than I care to remember.
But last week, I had a sudden hankering for falafel and I knew my father, arguably the world’s greatest falafel enthusiast, would be down. We tried to hit the Alexandria branch of Georgetown’s George’s King of Falafel, but it was inexplicably closed. My father was not keen on The Pita House, so I suggested that we check out Lebanese Village on Restaurant Row on 23rd Street in Crystal City. Since returning to Northern Virginia just over two years ago, we’ve been slowly working our way through 23rd Street’s various offerings. Given that Lebanese Taverna manages to be among the very best Middle Eastern restaurants in the area despite being a chain, we’ve never felt compelled to risk a less than excellent meal anywhere else. But I didn’t feel like grubbing falafel amidst the outdoor mall atmosphere of Pentagon Row this time.
Unfortunately, Lebanese Village’s halfhearted efforts failed to sate our lust for falafel. This may have been partially due to the fact that we ordered the Lebanese equivalent of the pu pu platter, a plate with various piles of tabbouleh, moujadarah, foul, hummus, baba ghanouj, tahini, and falafel. I’ve often found that the pu pu platter at even the best establishments is poorly executed. Perhaps the folks in the kitchen figure that anyone ordering a sampler is a novice undeserving of the attention lavished on other dishes. But since most of the items on this platter were likely made well in advance, and the fact that items that are typically distinct at other establishments all blandly ran together at Lebanese Village is a sign that something is truly wrong. The baba ghanouj lacked the smoky taste that baba ghanouj should have in nearly all instances. The hummus was a weak caulking paste. And the falafel were mostly dry, lukewarm, and brittle, rather than piping hot, crunchy on the outside, and moist within. Even liberal applications of tahini could not rescue the platter from its lack of savor.
In addition, the beveraging at Lebanese Village is equally poor. The jallab, a date syrup and rosewater drink inexplicably sprinkled with pine nuts, was cloying even for a drink that is supposed to be supersweet. And the housemade lemonade had plenty of tart but only the faintest hint of the rosewater that makes the Lebanese lemonade at places like The Pita House and Lebanese Taverna among the greatest versions of lemonade in the world.
Fortunately, the Lamb Fatteh somewhat made up for the other shortcomings: Chunks of lamb sit in a yoghurt based stew, strewn with toasted pita pieces, sprinkled with sumac, and drizzled with butter. Still, even though we enjoyed the Fatteh, we couldn’t shake the feeling that a superior version of this dish could surely be enjoyed at Lebanese Taverna. There were a number of other interesting items on the menu, but we won’t be back ever again. --AC
