Full Custom Gospel Chili

When you grow up in Texas, you go through chili. We ate a lot of it, and frankly, during my early years and through my adolescence, I was not discriminating. With beans? Fine. Without beans? Fine. Ground beef or steak chunks? Either/both. Hormel out of the can? That’s fine, too. If it was called chili and even remotely resembled chili, I would eat it. And lots of it.

For the most part, things have changed. I still eat a lot, and when chili is involved, I usually lose count of how much has gone from the crockpot to my belly. But what has changed is where I eat it and what precisely must go in it. Which takes me to Hard Times Cafe, a small chain of unbelievably awesome chili parlors in the DC area.

AT HTC, one can get four types of chili: Texas (a hot ‘n’ spicy standout), Terlingua Red (a mellower, smoky version of Texas), Cincinnati (with very finely ground beef and sweetened with cinnamon—my favorite), and veggie (good, but only for those friends who insist upon remaining vegetarian even when faced with all that glorious ground beef and suet).

Beyond the the broad range of chili styles, a hungry Jack can also choose from a variety of chili applications. The Chili Bubba gives you two types of chili piled over a couple of squares of cornbread, so that upon arrival, the cornbread is practically soaked with all of the wonderful chili oil. The Chili Frito Pie gives you one type of chili liberally ladeled on a bowl of Fritos. And, the Chili Mac, my own personal favorite, allows you to enjoy your chili in up to "five ways" on top of very basic spaghetti noodles (each “way” is just a different combination of fixins). The other great thing about HTC's customized chili options is that the chili only comes with beans if you specifically request them. Now I'm a big fan of beans, but when it comes to HTC, it's best to dispense with them. After all, they're only added into the slow-cooked chili just a few minutes before your order is served. And beyond that, they just get in the way.

After years of going to HTC, AC and I have perfected our experiences here by ordering what we call the “AK Special” and the “AC Special.” When one or both of these names is uttered by its respective inventor, it is completely understood what is involved.

When I sit down, I’m always ready to order, and actually doing the ordering is like reciting the Preamble the morning after going around the house saying it to myself for two weeks—totally effortless. “I’d like the Chili Mac, Cincinnati with diced tomatoes, a side of jalapenos, and a side of sour cream.”

AC prefers an equally gluttonous permutation of the Chili Bubba. "Um, I’ll have the Chili Bubba with Cincinnati and Texas, no onions, a side of jalapenos, tomatoes, and sour cream.”

Though there are other equally tempting options (the Chili Changa is your choice of chili rolled in a flour tortilla with various fixins), now that we’ve identified the perfect meal at one of our frequent haunts, we will likely never stray from
our “specials.” But if we do, you’ll hear it here first. —AK